Can Getting Married Help Me? Here’s Some Good Advice.

Last Updated on March 19, 2024 by Arurhose

Marriage or Getting Married is an amazing thing. It is one of the highest forms of human relationship between 2 people. Every other family relationship is not chosen. Think about it: you don’t get to choose your father, mother, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents – you name it. In a marriage, this is the only family bond that you decide and through it make more family.

The idea of picking someone who has lived a completely independent life from yours, including upbringing, and then choosing to be one with them sounds ridiculous. You can barely manage the existing family you are born into! For this reason, Marriage is not for everyone. If done right, it is the singular most important relationship a person has. As such, the most impactful, and yes, that definitely rubs into your finances.

Different Types of Money People

Savers, Spenders, Dreamers, Pragmatists, there are so many types of money people, but the most important one is you. What kind of money person are you? This is the most important place to start prior to understanding who your spouse is from a financial perspective. It’s ideal to counter yourself if you are someone who spends a lot. Alternatively, you can double down. Who knows what might happen – life math isn’t always academic. Either way, it’s good to know the kind of person that you are and the kind of person that your spouse is to determine some of the challenges that you have at the very beginning, what you’re willing to take on financially, and what you’re willing to discard.

I know someone whose wife had a debt in the tens of thousands before getting married. This was mostly from university and, as far as I know, consumer debt. He told me that before they married, he wiped out all she owed and that he wanted to start the marriage debt-free. This is something that isn’t new to this particular person. I know he had done similar things for people he had dated in the past, but years after being married, what kind of woman do you think his wife is today?

Do you think she’s changed? Do you think she values money as much as he does, and do you think he’s the one who still carries all the financial burden for the whole family, including her spending desires? I’ll leave these questions with you.

Financial Background and Upbringing 

The financial upbringing of your spouse is very important, whether they grew up in a wealthy environment or in poverty. Just to be clear on mindsets, there are people who are not necessarily rich but have a wealthy mindset. Conversely, people who have a lot of money but still operate within a poverty mindset. The latter, you can see quite often with people who have achieved financial independence, but still consider themselves poor and unable to enjoy all they’ve worked for.

I’m a saver, and later, I became a bit more of an investor, and so did my wife. I spend on things I value, and even then, sometimes I find that hard, depending on the price. My wife, on the other hand, generally doesn’t like to spend. Growing up, I always knew having things was accessible to me even when the money wasn’t always there. My parents did a very good job of shielding me from the troubles in life. Eventually, things started turning around for the better at the right age, prior to succumbing to a lot of peer pressures on things that you may or may not have. 

Joint goals: quickly and more easily achieved when married

It was one thing growing up with a wealthy mindset, it’s another to actually achieve anything or a goal. No doubt you’ve heard ‘genius is 1% Talent 99% hard work’ – the truth in the statement is talent can get you so far. This is also true for goals and mindsets, being an investor, saver, pragmatist and so on, you still have to do the work. This work, if done right, is quicker and more easily achieved in pairs. Going alone has its benefits; moving together can be exponential with the right cohesion.

When going ahead alone, you only have to think about your needs and your desires, which in and of itself has many benefits. When moving in pairs, there’s more risk, there’s more to do, but there’s also more to gain and bigger rewards. Agreeing on a joint long-term goal is quickly achieved with the right types of prioritisation. Joint goals and ambitions tend to be bigger, and so they should be; there’s more consideration going on. 

Bigger, better, wider, more marathon than a sprint when working as a pair. There is more to do but more to gain when paired, and whatever gains you make, you get to keep. This means your gains will be perpetual as your needs and requirements will go down over time. A simple example of a family needing 3000 a month to be financially independent (children, etc) eventually stops looking after the kids. Children grow up and leave homes, but the 3000 a month stays perpetual. With more to consider as a family, FI Numbers are necessary. They are calculated to cover peak times of financial need (schooling, larger accommodation, etc.), and eventually, these costs go away, but not the gains. 

Life Math isn’t academic. 

The FI number of people who are financially independent is bigger when married. As mentioned earlier, there’s just a lot more to think about and far more than just children. Financial independence numbers are more than just numbers. They are a representation of life and lifestyle, and truth be told, that number will evolve over time as your needs and lifestyle designs alter through the years. Most people (if anyone) will get their financial independence number correct. However, it is more of an estimate, representing the life we choose to lead. Though an FI Number does exist, it’s not as straightforward and mathematical as you might expect.

A practical example

When I used to live with my flatmate, we had a great apartment up in Central London. Prior to getting our joint apartment, I had my single one-bedroom flat, also close to the centre of town. My bills for electricity, water, council tax, telephone line, Internet and so on, let’s say, came to 300 pounds.

When my friend and I moved in, I thought my part of the bills would still stay the same, and we’d jointly pay 600 pounds. That was very foolish of me, but I think you get where I’m going with this. When a person pays for heating, the whole house gets heated, not two homes. As such the heat is shared by all residents. The cost stays the same despite the number of occupants, and the same for other bills (Internet, council tax, electricity, etc), just because there are two people doesn’t mean the price goes up by two.

The total amount we ended up spending was about 400 pounds; however, that’s 400 pounds divided by 2 (400/2 = 200), which meant by moving in together, I ended up saving 100 pounds (300 – 200 = 100). Life math isn’t as academic as textbook math.  So, what’s all this talk about math? Finances and Marriage is not so straightforward, sometimes 7 + 7 = 12, and sometimes, 2 + 2 = 14. You have to look at things holistically.

Some ways to do it

Anything can happen; anything is possible, but not all things are probable – start by keeping your joint FI goals and number reasonable. 

Once you have a reasonable expectation in place, the next step is living under one income. Under one income paired with a sustainable plan, you and your spouse can set out and start achieving your goals optimally. My assumption here is that you have a working spouse and optimal means, prioritisation of things that are most valuable, for example, affordable accommodation – choosing to live outside of the city, etc.

Living under one income enables your spouse’s income to go into investing and saving. One of the interesting things about living under one income is that it may be hard at the very beginning, but like most things in life, once you start, you get used to it. You hardly even miss what you used to have. If you keep the things most valuable to you, you realise many other things are just fluff. Your spouse’s income can go into stocks, buying property, starting a new business, and so many other things. When you add compounding, this can get exponential. This is one of the major ways to achieve financial independence as a couple.

The above method requires a lot of planning and communication between both parties if done before Marriage, but also possible after Marriage – it’ll be more work. More work because you’ll be making changes to an existing formula that you both have, but it can be done – I know, I did it, I’m still doing it! 

Two-edged swords require a good swordsman.

It goes without saying a person shouldn’t get married for financial gain; that’s never a good reason to marry. Marriage can be like a two-edged sword; the proficiency of the wielder determines how effective the weapon is at attacking versus hurting oneself. Being married can make or break you. The divorce rates are very high, and Marriage in itself can be a very expensive endeavor. At the same time, Marriage can be a very financially liberating experience. This is why it’s really important to understand who you are and have a clear idea of your spouse (financially), as well as their financial background growing up.

Financial goals, like most other things in a marriage, need to be communicated, agreed on, and worked on together. There’s a lot more work to do and, in other aspects, less. Whatever the plan, there is no middle ground – a spouse will either make or break any form of Financial Independence. 

Marriage, can you afford it?

In today’s way of living, many of our lives are compartmentalised, but in reality we can’t separate ourselves – a painter from the father, a mother from the nurse. We take ourselves wherever we go. Viewing everything holistically, our finances affect every aspect of our lives. Our marriages supersedes the financial reach, going deeper, further, and broader, having roots in our finances and most of who we are.

Yes, it is possible to achieve FI independence solo (depending on realistic goals) faster without consideration for children, etc. In my opinion, this will mostly be LEAN FI. Conversely, achieving FAT FIRE when married to a working spouse is more feasible and faster (depending on your realistic goals). Without even factoring in the greatest motivator of all: children.

Marriage, can you afford to? Can you afford not to? Again, with the life math, everything rests on the goals set – distance and speed; how long and quick do you want to run?